Oh my god.
This really sucks.
No, not really. But yes, sort of. I don’t
even know anymore. I can’t remember the last time I got any sleep. What is a
bed? What is a hot meal? Is that my tummy rumbling or is it my husband?
I would like to reiterate that I love being
a mom. It was one of the main goals and wishes I had for my life. However,
raising twin babies and a toddler was…difficult, to say the least. I felt like
as soon as I attended to one’s needs, the other was crying. It was exceedingly
difficult to catch a break. And I didn’t want Blanche to feel neglected or left
out with the new babies in the house. I was determined that she learn to walk,
talk and use the potty in a timely manner.
Luckily for us, Tricia had begun to spend a
lot more time around the house, and she was willing to help out whenever she
was around.
I know that Kai found this to be a very
desirable aspect of Tricia’s personality. His nieces were the apple of his eye
at this point in his life, and it meant a lot to him to have someone in his
life that understood and respected that.
I could tell they were getting serious about
each other. I wondered if she was the one for my little brother. They certainly
seemed very happy together.
I liked having Tricia around. As much as I
loved Yves, Kai and my baby girls, it was fantastic and to have “grown-up” talk
with a lady friend.
I had never been one for gossip but I soon
found myself oddly refreshed by it. Hell, talking about anything going on
outside of my own little world was refreshing. It felt like I had been cooped
up in the house for so long that I began to wonder if I wasn’t going a little
bit crazy. My subconscious raced.
“You’re not going crazy Vivien. You’re just
tired and stressed out. You have three babies to take care of, after all. Try
not to worry about the fact that you haven’t stepped foot into the studio since
Lenore and Margot were born – I’m sure your skills haven’t depleted any. Try
not to worry about your husband working nights to try and support the family on
a meager restaurant income. Nevermind all of that Vivien – you were saying
something about being tired?”
I knew I wasn’t crazy. But it was hard not
to feel that way when I was being run so damn ragged.
In fact, I found myself looking forward to
throwing the twin’s birthday party, which seemed to come up much more quickly
than Blanche’s had when she aged into a toddler. I guess time really does fly.
We had one cake for each girl. I found
myself breathless with anticipation – I couldn’t wait to see what kind of
toddlers my babies were going to be!
Lenore had brown hair that I’ve found to be
very typical in our family.
On the other hand, if I hadn’t given birth
to Margot myself, I never would have believed she was my daughter. Her blonde
hair was truly gorgeous and my mind flashed back to a highschool biology class
where we learned all about recessive alleles and punnett squares. That must be
what this is, right?
Regardless of her hair color, I loved her
all the same, obviously.
So did Kai. He truly was super Uncle.
Teaching the basics to the twins proved to
be a little more challenging than it was with Blanche. Yves and I would soon
discover that twins possess a special bond that other siblings simply do not
have. This led to a lot of tag teaming and more than few tantrums during their
toddler years.
But in the rare quiet, sweet moments – it
was pure bliss.
Meal times were also surprisingly quiet.
Perhaps it came from Yves’s side of the family, but these girls seemed to know
the importance and value of good food. Dinner time was practically sacred to
them.
It was during one of these quiet dinner
times that I began to feel a familiar, unpleasant tingle. My birthday! Oh no,
how could I have forgotten? I couldn't believe I was already an adult.
My outward appearance didn’t change much.
However, I felt much older on the inside. Not in a bad way….in a wise, worldly
way. I felt mature and experienced and for the first time in my life, I felt
like I was handling things calmly and correctly. All of my young adult
insecurities and anxiety seemed to melt away over the next few days, and my
subconscious even seemed to be at peace.
Wait. Wait one minute, is that a wrinkle?
Son of a-
I beg your pardon. I realize how highly
inappropriate that was of me.
I was not the only one getting older in the
Collier household. Blanche’s birthday came up before we knew it – in fact, she
was so busy playing with her musical toy that we didn’t even have a chance to
get her to the birthday cake before the familiar sparkles set in.
She was a lovely child, but her gaze was
also a little…unsettling. I secretly hoped she would grow out of it. I wasn’t
really sure how likely this was, though. As much as I love her, I realized late
into her toddler years that Blanche was a little bit absent-minded. This gaze
was probably going to be with her for good.
C’est la vie.
The night of Blanche’s birthday, Kai
surprised us all by proposing to Tricia.
We were all ecstatic! Yves brought up a
special bottle of nectar from the cellar and we toasted to the happy couple. In
the back of my mind, though, I wondered what happened to the old Kai. The Kai
who didn’t want to settle in Sunset Valley, who wanted to see the world and be
a big shot athlete with ladies galore before he even thought about marriage.
After the twins had been put to bed, I asked
him what exactly had changed. He grinned.
“I dunno Vivi. I think it was Mama’s death,
or you and Yves getting married, or Blanche being born…or maybe it was just
being here in this house without Mama. Maybe it was all of it. But one day I
just realized how important family is. And I realized that even though I felt
so trapped here when I was younger, I feel invigorated by being here now.
Family is everything. Mama dying made me realize how precious life is and I
don’t want to piddle around wasting time before I have a family of my own.”
I couldn’t suppress my smile. My baby
brother truly was all grown up.
Although he liked to be a kid again with
Blanche whenever he could.
The twin’s birthday was just a few short
weeks later, and what a momentous day that would be! Finally, some freedom from
the crying and highchairs and constant changing of diapers. I was ready. I was
ready to be out in the studio again with cold marble floor beneath my feet and
I worked on a painting. I was ready to take long walks with Yves like we used
to.
I was ready to do a lot of things with Yves
that we hadn’t had time for since the twins were born.
Like their last birthday, we procured two
cakes for the twins. Yves was honing his baking skills and actually made these
cakes from scratch, which was a true testament to his love for his daughters.
Making cake from scratch is not easy, you know.
Margot went first.
Then Lenore.
And they aged into quite beautiful young
girls. Being the sap that I am, I had already picked out semi matching outfits
for them.
Aren’t those outfits the cutest? They were
on sale, too.
I managed to snag a picture of all three
Collier girls enjoying some TV time after the party.
On Monday morning, they would all traipse to
school together and Yves and I would finally have some time to spend alone. I
was relishing the thought of getting back to painting and Yves had put on a few
pounds since the girls had been born, so he was eager to have Kai give him some
fitness pointers to help lose the extra pounds.
I was happy just to be alone in the same
room with him.
La
vie est belle.
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